I am sure this is one of the common topics on the mommy blogosphere, but always an interesting one to talk about.I read a few blogs on 'To have or not to have' the second baby and the one thing I am sure about is this-I definitely want to have a second baby.But the question that will linger around in my mind until we finally make a decision,is, when to have the second?I have a daughter,she's 15 months.
There is no easy answer,I know....but am hoping to get some thoughts on the pros and cons on a small age gap versus a big age gap between siblings.
When the age difference is less,they make great playmates.You dont have to keep in the look out for playdates and others to play with.Especially true if they are of the same gender.But it takes a lot to care for 2 young kids,more so if the older is still in diapers and not able to eat and sleep on her own.When the mentioned milestones are achieved, is a good time to have the second,in my opinion.
Have heard people say-'Makes it easy in one way to go through the early years in one shot,with both kids'.Only moms who have done this,know if its true or false.
At the point where we are in our lives,it is hard to make a decision...........so,will give it more time,rack my brains a little longer and see how it goes.
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23 comments:
Hey MissD's mom....came to your blog thru Poppins.
Well about the age gap....I am in the same dilema...but I personally think that around 4 yrs is a good gap. I have seen ppl having kids 2-3yrs gap, but in my opinion if the gap is less, we won't give much attention to the older one. I feel they need more attention in first 5 yrs of their life because the brain develops faster in first 5 yrs.
I donno how those mom's with 2 kids with less age gap manage...really!! I am sure I would be totally exhausted and neglect my own health if I have another one:) one toddler is more than enough to drive me crazy:)
mynanhipari:Thanks for reading my post and commenting.
I read a few of your posts,looks like we started blogging around the same time.Yup,hats off to moms who have 2 young kids.I feel every kid should get a lot of attention and time atleast until 3 years,I would keep feeling guilty if the older is not getting enough of my time if we have the second sooner.
I had the same dilemma about the timing, although for me, I felt the time was right when A1 was around 2 1/2 to start planning for one..little did I know it took us only a month to conceive!
Firstly, both of you should want it and things to consider would be..
1. Will you be able to manage? Do you have help..believe me, there will be lot of jealousy/ competition when the younger one arrives
2. Will your planning be adequate when both kids are in college at the same time, especially here in the US its a big factor.
3.Definitely a plus to have both of similar age, in that they grow up together and then you are done (if you decide on two only)
4.The previous comment on attention is definitely true..
Sorry for the long comment
We have a son and a daughter aged 10 and 8. They have a wonderful time together, as they share so much in common. They know each other's friends and teachers and spend a lot of time together. They do have their moments just like all siblings, but they truly have a special bond which no doubt is due to the small age difference. In my experience whatever the age gap, it is usually the second one that gets less attention in terms of academic and extra-curricular activities, because the first one is always the first to do anything (for parents it is not that exciting doing the same thing second time around). Though the second one gets adequately compensated by the pampering as they always remain the baby of the family (loving and pampering only gets better the second time around). We are happy with our choice. We have friends with children from 1 to 9 years apart. Everything seems to work out fine. It really seems to be the family's preference and sometimes just how it works out.
I don't know either. I'm hoping this post of yours will answer some questions ! :-)
On rereading Anon's comments, I think it's true that it really depends on the family dynamics. Sometimes I think that there is never an good time to have the second baby, just the same way there was never a good time to have the first one !
You have to take the plunge and hope to God it works out. Obviously A1A2Mom's comment makes total sense. Planning is essential, but I'm just worried that I might wait forever and then when my little one is 8 years old, I might be too old/lazy to have another one !
A1A2's :Those are great pointers,thanks.Jealousy is a big one and without help,it will be crazy.
There are + and - with both,we just have to learn to be happy with what ever decision we make.
Anon:Welcome!Not sure if this is your first visit and thanks for the comment.It is definitely a good thing when kids can relate to each other and have common things to talk about,when the age gap is less.I have seen it in my SIL's boys,who are 2 years apart.They are the best friends and cant live without each other for a few hours.
Hmm,never thought of it the other way regarding 'giving attention'.You are right that the second will not get so much involvement from the parents for activities.
Hi Missdmom, I was reading poppins blog and I just read yours. Kid number 2 seems to be the big question mark. Let me tell you something interesting. I have two boys(no that's not the interesting part). I had a large group of friends in the United states. We all had 1 kid each. I was the first one to have a second baby and after that every of my friends had baby #2. The age gap for their kids went something like 3.5 to 9 years. Everyone managed very well. We were joking as to who would get pregnant next(something in the water...). Every month after my baby was born, someone announced their second pregnancy. In one year we had to do 6 baby showers..
The age gap doesn't matter. the thing is when I see my kids play together, sometimes they are a couple of 3 year olds, sometimes they are a couple of 7 year olds. They learn to get along and you get to enjoy with them. It's amazing.
Same Anon
Anon:Thanks for writing.It was interesting to read your comment.Ya,it sounds true that no matter what the age difference is,they learn to play with each other in their own way.
Do you have a blog of your own?
hi,
No I don't have a blog of my own. I am new to this.(poppins asked me the same thing) I discovered all the mommy blogs and other interesting blogs only a few months ago. I am just happy reading them, don't know if I will have the content to fill them up and write as well as you guys do. Maybe some day, right now I enjoy reading them. Keep writing.
Same Anon
Anon:Oh,thanks.I dont write that often,I hope to,but what with my 15 month old who becomes so jealous when I sit in front of the laptop:-)I envy so many other bloggers who write so well.
Hope to see your blog soon:-)
i got preggie with teh bean 15 months after the brat.. i was dying to have the second one so it was no biggie- waited for the gynae to give hre go ahead and got preggie that very month! yeah - i was in a big hurry.
i dont think either kid gets eglected really - as any one with two will tell you - both their needs are very different. my daughter sleeps and feeds and that is all she needs me for. my son plays with me through all this. in a few months when she gets more intereactive, he will go to school adn she will have me all to herself.
i did a hugepost on this so wont repeat myself.. basically i think its great to have same aged company for kids. but if ur a working mom it will be hard to come home and split ur time.. it works well for those who are home .
MadMomma:Thanks for stopping by.Your comment was good food for thought.Its very true that each kid's need is very different.Some need more attention and some are happy doing things on their own.I am a SAHM,and if I decide to have a baby soon,I will be a SAHM for a long time.
hi all im 19 and i have a baby of 7weeks and already me and my partner are trying for another. Am i crazy? i have always wanted to have a small age gap between my children so that the eldest one has some one to grow up and play with. do you think it is a good odea on trying for another one so soon i have read a few posts and many people have different suggestion
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